we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
