k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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