life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize