Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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