In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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