i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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