Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
