I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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