and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
