Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i dont even know how to be here
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
