just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
