Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
