I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
