I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
