How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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