piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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