Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
