so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
