Your face is a jimmy john
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
