hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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