I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
