cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
