dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
