Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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