break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
