if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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