don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
