At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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