I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
