Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize