i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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