took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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