If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
