Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
