We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
