I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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