somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
