thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
