He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
All the doctor said was why
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
