True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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