dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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