don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
