My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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