Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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