I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
