it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
