to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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