I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
