Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
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