No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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