He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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