hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
