Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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