my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
