And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
