Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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