Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
