Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she peed on how many people?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
