Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
