no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
