used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
