I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
