I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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