I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
