dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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