YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
