his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
