I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
