So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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