so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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