Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
